Work Day

[ Uganda, Africa Mission Journal – Entry 6 ]

JINJA, UGANDA – MARCH 14, 2012 – Today was a work day, trying to get the playground finished so the kids can come play tomorrow afternoon. It is a massive structure built of solid mahogany wood. Loren found a local source for the wood. He had to supervise as they custom cut the lumber we needed. And it was cheaper than getting soft pine shipped in from somewhere else. So we are using the dense solid lumber. It makes the labor a little more intensive with all the added weight and difficulty drilling, sawing and nailing the playground together. But in the early afternoon a rain shower passed over. It cooled everything off, and as the water washed over us it revealed the beautiful, rich color of the mahogany. It is really quite a fantastic piece of building.

There are five guys – Pastor Dan, Micky, Bill, Gus, and Brian – who are in charge of the construction. They are from all over the United States and they form the nucleus of a ministry that builds playgrounds like this one all over the world, in places like Haiti, South America, the Ukraine, and now Africa. It is their mission to allow kids to be kids in places where that is sometimes very hard and to revel in the joy that being a child of God brings.

There is still work to be done and the rest of us are pitching in, along with the help of some local Ugandan workers. Some of the swings still haven’t made it here. They were in two other lost bags we hope will arrive tomorrow. But half of the swings and the jungle gym and the rope ladders and the rock climbing wall will all be ready for tomorrow afternoon. At two o’clock, the Headmaster of the local elementary school will bring a group of over 100 third, fourth and fifth graders to christen the new playground. Friday the younger kids from the school will come and Friday afternoon kids from Wakisi who aren’t in school (and there are more of them than you can imagine, hundreds) will get their turn. For every group we will have face painting and games and other activities in addition to their time on the swings and the monkey bars. This will be the first time most of these kids have ever played on a playground like this, if you can believe that. Then, at the end, we will gather each group together and let them know the joy they are feeling is the joy that Jesus can bring into their lives every day.

Isn’t it how we should all feel? Like we are swinging on a swing for the first time, the wind rushing over our faces as our toes reach higher and higher into the air. Isn’t that the joy we should feel every day because we have turned over our lives to a Father who loves us with his whole heart.

Odds and Ends

[ Uganda, Africa Mission Journal – Entry 5 ]

JINJA, UGANDA – MARCH 13, 2012 – Just time for some quick observations today. We were on the go all day, helping with the playground, visiting the kids at the village and going into the Jinja market for some supplies.

I’ve noticed a couple of things I think are worth a quick mention. First, about the place. There is really no way to describe it. I mean, how can you describe something you’ve never really see before. No photograph does it justice, but this is a remarkable, beautiful place. The water everywhere, the lush green land where anything will grow and does. But that’s not it, really. The greens are greener, the blues are bluer, the sounds are sharper, the stars explode out of the night sky. It is almost dawn of the earth natural beauty, and it is a wonder to see it.

Next, it’s the people. Everyone I’ve seen has a ready smile that is always willing to turn into a laugh. They are expectant of goodness, and thankful for help. Everyone waves as you pass by and the children run from their homes to wave as the car passes. One fellow stopped us just outside the gate of the village as we were walking over to the orphanage. They fish there every day and there is always a group of young men and children, and occasionally women, cleaning the fish or preparing the fish

“Are you going? Or are you coming back?” the man asked.

“I don’t know,” Loren said. “Depends on how long we stay with the children. We’ll probably come back, though.”

“Come back, come back,” the man said. “Then we can thank you again for everything you do for us here. God bless you.”

In our world they are people with nothing. I think, perhaps, our definition of nothing is wrong.

That’s just about all, except for one weird little thing about the place. Everywhere we go we are walking or riding with the windows open, and you can smell the place around you. And everywhere there is the smell of something burning. A fire for a light or for cooking, or the more acrid smoke of cars burning oil. But everywhere the smell of burning, like in the fall at home when folks burn their leaves. This is different though, and it is always there and it is filling the hot, thick air of the equator, not a crisp fall morning.

Okay, that’s it. I’ll try to upload some more images later. There are so many and it’s hard to choose which ones to upload and tonight I do not have time.

Lost and Found

[ Uganda, Africa Mission Journal – Entry 4 ]

JINJA, UGANDA – MARCH 12, 2012 – We have arrived. The flight went as smoothly as a flight can when it involves three planes and three continents. We ended up about half an hour late arriving in Entebbe, and Customs was a breeze, probably because we had the fifty bucks apiece to get into the country. All that was left was the baggage carousel. Guess you know what’s coming. That’s right, our bags didn’t make the same smooth flight we did. Most of our clothes, especially underclothes, shoes, and all the t-shirts, candy and other stuff we’d brought for the kids in the village were somewhere between Dallas, Texas and Entebbe, Uganda. That’s okay though, they’ll be on the next flight, right? Only the next flight isn’t for two days, and the folks at the lost baggage station sit at desks amongst a sea of unclaimed bags and half a dozen people are crowded around the desks in the same boat we’re in. Finally, it’s our turn and the bags aren’t in the system. Don’t know where they are. Call tomorrow and we’ll see if we can find them. This is not what Jill needed to hear, but the guys at the desks aren’t in the business of worrying about what people need to hear.

But that’s just the way it is, and we leave baggage claim to find our ride. I’d gone out earlier when we were waiting to find out about the bags, and no one holding a sign that said WOMACK was there. This time, though, when we went out to the airport entrance, Stephen was there with his hand printed WOMACK sign. It was almost midnight and he’d been there over an hour waiting for us. Stephen is not from a taxi service. He works at the Jinja church that partners here with Elevare International. He is doing this on his own time. Still, he’s all smiles and we follow him to the SUV that will be our ride through Entebbe, the southern part of Kampala, and across country to Jinja in eastern Uganda, about two and a half hours away. That’s bad enough, but little did we know that Stephen would get in on the wrong side of the car and drive on the wrong side of the road, British style, all the way there on narrow two lane “highways” that were more pothole than asphalt and where he would pass anything moving slower than us no matter what was coming the other way. For good measure, the streets were teaming with people milling about the roadside businesses and clubs that lined the way almost two thirds of the way to Jinja, and motor bikes whizzed by on either side with two or three people on them.

Jill kept a close eye on the proceedings, but I tried to rest between the bumps and honking horns. Over two hours later we were at The Haven, where we are staying for the week. Well, almost there. We pulled off the “road” onto a dirt path with a sign that said The Haven. And down the path we went and went and went. Kind of like the Energizer bunny going and going. Every couple of miles there was another sign pointing us to The Haven down an even narrower dirt path. Along the path were dozens of little one room brick or mud buildings. They all looked deserted, but they were filled with the people of the local village. We saw them all the next day smiling and waving and the kids running after the van.

At last there were no more turns or dirt path to follow, and Loren was at the gates of The Haven to let us in. He led us by flashlight to the one room, concrete, thatched roof bungalow where we were staying. The painted concrete floors were stained and shiny. There were stone shelves built into the walls. And a giant queen size bed took over the room with its white gauze mosquito net. It was really very picturesque, but it took a back seat to the shower and sleep that Jill and I both needed.

The next morning Sid and Beth and their college age children, Mike and Rachel, were the only ones still there when Jill and I came to the main building for breakfast. Loren and the others were at the village site building the playground. The Smiths were going jet boating on the Nile rapids just outside our rooms. Jill and I tried to see if there was any news about our bags. There wasn’t, so we walked around the property to see what was what. What was, was a beautiful place filled with flowers and birds and people and water everywhere.

As the day meandered on, Stephen came to get lunch for Loren and the crew building the playground. The Smiths came back from their white water experience soaked and smiling. And still no one could tell us about our bags. Loren came back in the middle of the afternoon to take us and the Smiths to the village. We tried the baggage folks at the Entebbe airport one last time before we left. And wouldn’t you know it, they had found the luggage. It still wouldn’t be here for two days, but it wasn’t lost anymore. So our hearts were lighter as we left for Washah Village.

I wasn’t expecting the paradise I saw. The green manicured lawn and sculptured landscaping, all on a raised peninsula poking itself into a bend in the Nile. It is simply a paradise. It is a safe refuge, with a serene community center that overlooks the river already being built and the playground coming out of the ground in the valley at the bottom of a gentle slope. And with paradise there are angels, and that’s what we found at the homes Elevare has built for the orphans. Most of these children are four or five years old with personalities already their own. They smile and they giggle and they want you to hold them on your knee and tell them that you love them. Beth gave them bubbles to play with and they chased them and caught them and everyone there was smiling at the wonder in their eyes.

Jill and I found there, in the shank of the day, why we had come in the first place, and the lost bags didn’t seem to matter so much any more.

Flyings Days

[ Uganda, Africa Mission Journal – Entry 3 ]

LONDON – MARCH 11, 2012 – Getting to Uganda is two days of flying and waiting. I don’t mind the flying part. I can sit at the window and try to tell what things are from 30,000 feet. The green patchwork quilt of the countryside. The crooked switchbacks of the rivers. The little dark pockmarks of man made watering holes, and the larger blue and brown irregular shapes of natural lakes. The towns, like nuclei of nerve cells, tentacles of road stretching out connecting them to the larger cells of cities. Looking down on those clusters of our creation from so many miles above, there is nothing to distinguish affluence from urban blight. Only closer to the ground do things start to separate. Only on the ground does it make a difference at all. From above even New York and London and Kampala are just blemishes on the immensity of the landscape.

The waiting part happens in the alternate reality of airports. Each one is an enclosed cosmos of restaurant chains and shops and waiting areas. And we make our way from one to the next without ever going outside. The hours between flights are filled up with waiting in line. It all starts with the line for check-in. Then there is the line at security where you take off your shoes and empty your pockets and take your turn getting scanned. Each flight has a line for boarding. At the end of it all, there is the Customs line. And for every line, there is the general line and the first class, priority access, get out of jail free line. I prefer the general line (what a lier I am). After all what would we do with all that extra time if we whizzed through all the lines like the first class lot?

But in the end, it is hours in an airplane seat, trying to get some sleep and thinking about what stayed behind and what lies ahead.

Leaving Home

[ Uganda, Africa Mission Journal – Entry 2 ]

MABANK, TX – MARCH 9, 2012 – The day has come, almost. After a few hours of fitful sleep, Jill and I will be headed for Uganda. Now we won’t be there for two days, but we will be on the way. Jill says she has been really nervous, especially about being away from the kids for over a week. That’s not all she’s been nervous about. All the preparations, making sure every detail is taken care of, has made her a ball of nervous energy. And that’s why everything has happened so smoothly, for me at least. She also says I’m probably not nervous at all (but she’s wrong), and that I’m more adventurous than her. I don’t know about that either. After all we’re both going. But I do know this does feel like an adventure for me. More because this is a door God has opened for us that wasn’t anywhere in the far reaches of my mind as something possible. That I would never even have thought of on my own.

So, we’re leaving tomorrow to see what God has in store for us. We’re doing a lot of leaving. We left the dogs in Houston with my mom. We left our children with their grandparents at the lake. We’re leaving our home, our state, our country. We’re leaving what we know, what we do every day, and we are a page without writing. I can’t wait to see what God writes on that page. That’s the adventure for me. That’s also what makes the nerves set in – the not in charge, not in control of what’s going to happen next, nerves.

Okay, take a deep breath. It is the day, and what God wants to do with it is better than anything I thought I wanted. That’s the way it should work. It should be easy to let God be in charge. After all, He’s God. He should know what’s best for us. But we are always getting in the way.

This time, though, I’ll just take what comes, and leave what I want behind.

Oh, the Places We’ll Go

[ This is the first of the series of posts made during a recent mission trip to Uganda, Africa. I am posting these in the Personal Commentary section so they will have a permanent home. The other posts will be added over the next several days. It was a remarkable trip for Jill and me and we wanted to maintain a record of what we did and saw. If you did not follow along with us as we were on the trip, I hope you will enjoy our journey with us now. ]

HOUSTON, TX – MARCH 9, 2012 – This first bit is going to be a little hectic. We’re taking the kids out of school on Friday to go to the lake, Cedar Creek Lake. My wife’s parents have a house there. It’s about 60 miles southeast of Dallas, and that’s where the kids will stay while we’re gone. They love it there. And what’s not to love – the lake, boats, golf carts, grandparents. Grandma and Pop Pop will probably even take them into Dallas for a couple of days to go shopping (Grandma loves to go shopping) and to the aquarium and wherever else they think of to go. You know, general good fun.

Jill and I, on the other hand, will be getting up before six on Saturday morning to leave by seven to get to the airport for the first leg of our flight that begins at 11:30 on Saturday morning and won’t end until 10:10 Sunday night in Entebbe, Uganda. We fly from Dallas to New Jersey, from New Jersey to London, and from London to Entebbe. We hope our bags make the same journey. There is supposed to be a van waiting to take us to The Haven, the hotel north of Jinja, Uganda about two and a half hours away. That puts us at our destination about 1 a.m. Sunday night/Monday morning. The hotel is on the Nile river, just upstream from it’s source at Lake Victoria. It is close to Mashah Village, the 40 acre property Elevare International has developed near the village of Wakisi. We will spend most of our time there, doing whatever God wants us to do for the people and the children there. Specifically, we will help with the building and opening of an extensive playground in the village for the orphans who live in Mashah Village and for all the children of the area.

And that is where the journey really lies.

Not that the preparations haven’t been a journey of their own. We were invited to go on the trip less than a month ago. Okay, we’re going. Now what? Who is going to take care of the kids? Who’s going to take care of the dogs? We have to get plane tickets, shots – and that’s no little thing. Immunizations for Yellow Fever, Typhoid Fever, Hepatitis, Menengitis, Polio, Tetnus, all brought in on a tray in their separate syringes and administered at one time. Oh, and the Malaria pills we will have to take every day we’re there and for a week after we get home. Then the packing. Getting the proper bags, adaptors so we can use our electronic devices, all the little accessories to keep the iPad running and making sure we can upload the photographs we take to this site.

It has been a little hectic, but it has gone smoothly, really. Perhaps it is just the first steps on a longer journey God has planned for us. So, we continue to pray that we will be cognizant of the plan God lays out before us and that He will reveal Himself to us and those we meet on this journey we are now beginning.

Find out more about what Elevare International is doing in Africa and around the world at
www.elevareinternational.com

It’s good to be a kid

Whenever it is, it’s too soon. Whenever we give up dress up. Whenever the Magic Kingdom isn’t so magic anymore. Whenever we don’t think we’re kids anymore, it’s too soon. As a father, one of the things I protect most jealously is my kids wonder at what the world holds. The longer they believe what I no longer believe, the better their little lives will remain. It’s a shame that wonder ever goes away at all. But I believe it will be the same wonder we feel when we begin our eternal lives as God’s children.

Out of the Blue

The family went to church last Sunday. Nothing unusual about that. But I wasn’t very excited about it. The message was going to be about a new building at a new site that the church is ready to build, and the congregation would vote on whether to build it or not after the service. So, we were going to hear the standard doing God’s will, mission of the church, sacrificing our worldly wealth message.

That’s what it was, too, but it’s not what my wife and I heard. It was the story of Nehemiah. God put on his heart to rebuild the city of Jerusalem, destroyed by the Babylonian king, Xerxes. Nehemiah was that same king’s royal cup bearer, and he want to Xerxes with a plan to rebuild the city the king had destroyed earlier in his reign. Xerxes gave Nehemiah everything he asked for and threw in a few little extras like troops to escort him on the 1000 mile journey to Jerusalem.

For several years now, my wife and I have felt that God wants us to do something different. It’s not like we don’t like our life – three kids, private school, five bedrooms, 2 cars, our own business. My commute is about 20 paces up the stairs to my office. That alone makes life worth living. Heck, my kids wouldn’t know what to do if I actually left the house to go to work and wasn’t home when they left for school or when they got back. They cry and act like the world’s going to end when I go to a meeting or, God forbid, travel overnight. So, what does God want us to do? i don’t know, but it’s something. And we’ve tried a lot of different things. Christian t-shirts (I’ve got a closet full if you want one), starting a downtown church, changing churches, looking for different work. All a big bust. Still, our hearts continued to be moved by the tap, tap, tapping of God having something else for us to do.

We haven’t been going to this church we were at last Sunday for very long. We haven’t even joined yet. We’re still members of our old church. It is one of a couple of churches we’ve been trying out, so to speak. We’re looking for somewhere closer to home than our current church so our kids can get more involved, us, too. A few weeks ago when we were visiting this new church, the message was about a mission the church is funding in Uganda. The mission foundation has purchased and developed a 40-acre property near a small village on the Nile river. They are building a training center for the locals and a church, but the primary focus is on ministering to the remarkable number of orphans in the area. There is a group of four room homes that can house up to eight orphans and a house mother. The images we saw of these beautiful, young, lively children, the smiling faces of not only the children but the Ugandans involved in the ministry, and the impact this 40 acres is making on the entire region, struck me like the blinding light on the road to Damascus.

I told my wife after the service, at lunch, that I would sell everything we had and go help those kids in a heart beat. Now when you tell your wife something like that, you expect an answer like, “We can’t do that, honey, but we should see what we can do to help.” But my wife said, “I thought the same thing.”

Okay, this is different. This isn’t something we cooked up to try to do the something different God wants us to do. This was out of the blue. We’ve never done any kind of mission work. Our support for missions has always been financial. So, what do you do? How do you pursue something like this? Talk to the guy who is the head of the mission foundation, right? That’s what I did, or tried to do. I found the guy’s email and said I’d like to talk about going to Uganda to be part of the mission there. But it was over the Christmas holiday and emails went back and forth and there was no real discussion. We even set up a meeting after the first of the year, but the meeting didn’t happen. Guess this is just me searching for God’s will again, like the t-shirts. If it’s not his will, all the trying in the world won’t make it happen. So, I decided to let it lie. Still, all the while we were praying about all this and being moved to be at peace with uprooting our current lives for something completely new.

Then the guy from the foundation emails me again out of the blue. Sorry I missed the meeting, lets meet next week for lunch. And this time the meeting happens, but I don’t expect much. There will be a this committee has to approve this or that group has to interview you about that and you’ve never done mission work before, all the stuff a church has to do before they send somebody half way around the world . But this isn’t a church. It’s a mission foundation. And this guy and I grew up in the same neighborhood and we’re about the same age. And he says, “What we need in Uganda is an American family to be our go between between the Ugandans we’re working with and the foundation. But frankly we haven’t even talked about it much internally, because we didn’t know how we would find someone who would uproot their lives and go there.”

Now, we’re not going to live in Uganda yet. But God has put it on our hearts, just like he put rebuilding Jerusalem on Nehemiah’s heart. And we’re asking the King for the resources to go, because we don’t have any earthly idea how we would do everything we need to do to be able to go. And I can’t even imagine the little extras He will provide if He wants us to make the journey.

What we are doing, though, is going to Uganda (again out of the blue and my wife would say with very little time to prepare). We’re going to spend a week on the 40 acres, and I don’t mean the University of Texas for you teasips out there, and do whatever the foundation needs us to do while we are there and love on those kids we saw on a video screen several months ago. And I’m setting up a page on this website to post images and commentary while we are there. Who’d a thunk it?

It makes me wonder what will happen out of the blue after that.

At Least We’re in Love

Love is funny when it happens to you.
You don’t know where it came from
or what it’s going to do.
You just know you’re in love
or at least you think you’re in love.

Love was funny when it happened to us.
From the very first
we could both hear the hush.
We just knew we were in love
or at least we thought we were in love.

Love is luscious
when it happens.
But it’s not funny when
it crumbles then.

So let’s keep our love from falling down.
You see, I’ll do anything
to keep you around.
because I know I’m in love with you
and loving each other is the least we can do.

Love is luscious
when it happens.
But it’s not funny when
it crumbles then.

Let’s don’t let it crumble.
Don’t let it fall down.
At least we’re in love.
Let’s keep love around.

Love is luscious
when it happens.
But it’s not funny when
it crumbles then.

Book Excerpt: The Heart of the Matter

1
They stood on the verandah at the D.C.’s bungalow at Pende and watched the torches move on the other side of the wide passive river. “So that’s France” Druce said, using the native term for it.

Mrs. Perrot said, “Before the war we used to picnic in France.”

Perrot joined them from the bungalow, a drink in either hand: bandy-legged, he wore his mosquito boots outside his trousers like riding boots, and gave the impression of
having only just got off a horse. “Here’s yours, Scobie.” He said, “Of course ye know I find it hard to think of the French as enemies. My family came over with the Huguenots. It makes a difference, ye know” His lean long yellow face cut in two by a nose like a wound was all the time arrogantly on the defensive: the importance of Perrot was an article of faith with Perrot doubters would be repelled, persecuted if he had the chance ‘ . . the faith would never cease to be proclaimed.

Scobie said, “If they ever joined the Germans, I suppose this is one of the points where they’d attack”

“Don’t I know it,” Perrot said, “I was moved here in 1939. The Government had a shrewd idea of what was coming. Everything’s prepared, ye know. Where’s the
doctor?”

“I think he’s taking a last look at the beds,” Mrs. Perrot said. “You must be thankful your wife’s arrived safely, Major Scobie. Those poor people over there. Forty days in
the boats. It shakes one up to think of it.”

“It’s the damned narrow channel between Dakar and Brazil that does it every time,” Perrot said.

The doctor came gloomily out onto the verandah.

Everything over the river was still and blank again: the torches were all out. The light burning on the small jetty below the bungalow showed a few feet of dark water sliding by. A piece of wood came out of the dark and floated so slowly through the patch of light that Scobie counted twenty before it went into darkness again.

“The Froggies haven’t behaved too badly this time” Druce said gloomily, picking a mosquito out of his glass.

“They’ve only brought the women, the old men, and the dying,” the doctor said, pulling at his beard. “They could hardly have done less.”

Suddenly like an invasion of insects the voices whined and burred upon the farther bank. Groups of torches moved like fire-flies here and there: Scobie lifting his binoculars caught a black face momentarily illuminated: a hammock pole: a white arm: an officer’s back. “I think they’ve arrived,” he said. A long line of lights was dancing along the water’s edge. “Well,” Mrs. Perrot said, “we may as well go in now.” The mosquitoes whirred steadily around them like sewing-machines: Druce exclaimed and struck his hand.

“Come in,” Mrs. Perrot said. “The mosquitoes here are all malarial.” The windows of the living-room were netted to keep them out: the stale air was heavy with the coming rains.

“The stretchers will be across at six A.M.,” the doctor said. “I think we are all set, Perrot. There’s one case of black water, and a few cases of fever, but most are just exhaustion the worst disease of all. It’s what most of us die of in the end”

“Scobie and I will see the walking cases,” Druce said. “You’ll have to tell us how much interrogation they can stand, Doctor. Your police will look after the carriers, Perrot, I suppose see that they all go back the way they came.”

“Of course,” Perrot said. “We’re stripped for action here. Have another drink?” Mrs. Perrot turned the nob of the radio and the organ of the Orpheum Cinema, Clapham, sailed to them over three thousand miles. From across the river the excited voices of the carriers rose and fell. Somebody knocked on the verandah door. Scobie shifted uncomfortably in his chair: the music of the Wurlitzer organ moaned and boomed. It seemed to him outrageously immodest. The verandah door opened and Wilson came in.

“Hello, Wilson,” Druce said. “I didn’t know you were here.”

“Mr. Wilson’s up to inspect the U.A.C. store,” Mrs. Perrot explained. “I hope the resthouse at the store is all right. It’s not often used.”

“Oh, yes, it’s very comfortable,” Wilson said. “Why, Major Scobie, I didn’t expect to see you.”

“I don’t know why you didn’t,” Perrot said. “I told you he’d be here. Sit down and have a drink.” Scobie remembered what Louise once had said to him about Wilson
phony, she had called him. He looked across at Wilson and saw the blush at Perrot’s betrayal fading from the boyish face, and the little wrinkles that gathered round the
eyes and gave the lie to his youth.

“Have you heard from Mrs. Scobie, sir?”

“She arrived safely last week”

“I’m glad. I’m so glad.”

“Well,” Perrot said, “what are the scandals from the big city?” The words “big city” came out with a sneer Perrot couldn’t bear the thought that there was a place where
people considered themselves important and where he was not regarded. Like a Huguenot imagining Rome, he built up a picture of frivolity, viciousness, and corruption. “We bush-folk,” Perrot went heavily on, “live very quietly.” Scobie felt sorry for Mrs. Perrot: she had heard these phrases so often: she must have forgotten long ago the time of courtship when she had believed in them. Now
she sat close up against the radio with the music turned low, listening or pretending to listen to the old Viennese melodies, while her mouth stiffened in the effort to ignore her husband in his familiar part. “Well, Scobie, what are our superiors doing in the city?”

“Oh,” said Scobie vaguely, watching Mrs. Perrot with pity, “nothing very much has been happening. People are too busy with the war …”

“Oh, yes,” Perrot said, “so many files to turn over in the Secretariat. I’d like to see them growing rice down here. They’d know what work was.”

“I suppose the greatest excitement recently” Wilson said, “would be the parrot, sir, wouldn’t it?”

“Tallit’s parrot?” Scobie asked.

“Or Yusef’s, according to Tallit,” Wilson said. “Isn’t that right, sir, or have I got the story wrong?”

“I don’t think we’ll ever know what’s right” Scobie said.

“But what is the story? We’re out of touch with the great world of affairs here. We have only the French to think about.”

“Well, about three weeks ago Tallit’s cousin was leaving for Lisbon on one of the Portuguese ships. We searched his baggage and found nothing, but I’d heard rumours that sometimes diamonds had been smuggled in a bird’s crop, so I kept the parrot back, and sure enough there were about a hundred pounds’ worth of industrial diamonds inside. The ship hadn’t sailed, so we fetched Tallit’s cousin back on shore. It seemed a perfect case.”

“But it wasn’t?”

“You can’t beat a Syrian,” the doctor said.

“Tallit’s cousin’s boy swore that it wasn’t Tallit’s cousin’s parrot and so of course did Tallit’s cousin. Their story was that the small boy had substituted another bird to frame Tallit.”

“On behalf of Yusef, I suppose,” the doctor said.

“Of course. The trouble was the small boy disappeared. Of course there are two explanations of that perhaps Yusef had given him his money and he’d cleared off, or
just as possibly Tallit had given him money to throw the blame on Yusef.”

“Down here,” Perrot said, “I’d have had ’em both in jail.”

“Up in town,” Scobie said, “we have to think about the law.”

Mrs. Perrot turned the nob of the radio and a voice shouted with unexpected vigour, “Kick him in the pants.”

“I’m for bed,” the doctor said. “Tomorrow’s going to be a hard day.”

Sitting up in bed under his mosquito net Scobie opened his diary. Night after night for more years than he could remember he had kept a record the barest possible record of his days. If anyone argued a date with him he could check up; if he wanted to know which day the rains had begun in any particular year, when the last-but-one Director of Public Works had been transferred to East Africa, the facts were all there, in one of the volumes stored in the tin box under his bed at home. Otherwise he never opened a volume particularly that volume where the barest fact of all was contained: C. died. He couldn’t have told himself why he stored up this record it was certainly not for posterity. Even if posterity were to be interested in the life
of an obscure policeman in an unfashionable colony, it would have learned nothing from these cryptic entries. Perhaps the reason was that forty years ago at a preparatory school he had been given a prize a copy of Allan Quatermain for keeping a diary throughout one summer holiday, and the habit had simply stayed. Even the form the diary took had altered very little. Had sausages for breakfast. Fine day. Walk in morning. Riding lesson in afternoon. Chicken for lunch. Treacle roll. Almost imperceptibly this record had changed into Louise left. Y. called in the evening. First typhoon 2 a.m. His pen was powerless to convey the importance of any entry: only he himself, if he had cared to read back, could have seen in the last phrase but one the enormous breach pity had blasted through his integrity. Y., not Yusef.

Scobie wrote: May 5. Arrived Pende to meet survivors of s.s. 43. He used the code number for security. Druce with me. He hesitated for a moment and then added, Wilson here. He closed the diary and lying flat on his back under the net he began to pray. This also was a habit. He said the Our Father, the Hail Mary, and then, as sleep began to clog his lids, he added an Act of Contrition. It was a formality not because he felt himself free from serious sin but because it had never occurred to him that his life was important enough one way or another. He didn’t drink, he didn’t fornicate, he didn’t even lie, but he never regarded this absence of sin as virtue. When he thought about it at all, he regarded himself as a man in the ranks, the member of an awkward squad, who had no opportunity to break the more serious military rules. “I missed Mass yesterday for insufficient reason. I neglected my evening prayers.” This was no more than admitting what every soldier did that he had avoided a fatigue when the occasion offered. “O God, bless ” but before he could mention names he was asleep.

2
They stood on the jetty next morning: the first light lay in cold strips along the eastern sky. The huts in the village were still shuttered with silver. At two that morning there had been a typhoon a wheeling pillar of black cloud driving up from the coast, and the air was cold yet with the rain. They stood with coat collars turned up watching the French shore, and the carriers squatted on the ground behind them. Mrs. Perrot came down the path from the bungalow wiping the white sleep from her eyes, and from across the water very faintly came the bleating of a goat. “Are they late?” Mrs. Perrot asked.

“No, we are early.” Scobie kept his glasses focussed on the opposite shore. He said, “They are stirring/ 1

“Those poor souls,” Mrs. Perrot said, and shivered with the morning chill.

“They are alive,” the doctor said.

“Yes.”

“In my profession we have to consider that important.”

“Does one ever get over a shock like that? Forty days in open boats.”

“If you survive at all,” the doctor said, “you get over it. It’s failure people don’t get over, and this, you see, is a kind of success.”

“They are fetching them out o the huts” Scobie said. “I think I can count six stretchers. The boats are being brought in.”

“We were told to prepare for nine stretcher cases, and four walking ones,” the doctor said. “I suppose there’ve been some more deaths.”

“I may have counted wrong. They are carrying them down now. I think there are seven stretchers. I can’t distinguish the walking cases.”

The flat cold light, too feeble to clear the morning haze, made the distance across the river longer than it would seem at noon. A native dugout canoe bearing, one supposed, the walking cases came blackly out of the haze: it was suddenly very close to them. On the other shore they were having trouble with the motor of a launch: they could hear the irregular putter, like an animal out of breath.

First of the walking cases to come on shore was an elderly man with an arm in a sling. He wore a dirty white topee, and a native cloth was draped over his shoulders: his free hand tugged and scratched at the white stubble on his face. He said in an unmistakably Scotch accent, “Ah’m Loder, chief engineer.”

“Welcome home, Mr. Loder,” Scobie said. “Will you step up to the bungalow and the doctor will be with you in a few minutes?”

“Ah have no need of doctors.”

“Sit down and rest. I’ll be with you soon”

“Ah want to make ma report to a proper official”

“Would you take him up to the house, Perrot?”

“I’m the District Commissioner” Perrot said. “You can make your report to me.”

“What are we waitin’ for then?” the engineer said. “It’s nearly two months since the sinkin’. There’s an awful lot of responsibility on me, for the captain’s dead.” As they
moved up the hill to the bungalow, the persistent Scotch voice, as regular as the pulse of a dynamo, came back to them. “Ah’m responsible to the owners.”

The other three had come on shore, and across the river the tinkering in the launch went on: the sharp crack of a chisel, the clank of metal, and then again the spasmodic putter. Two of the new arrivals were the cannon fodder of all such occasions: elderly men with the appearance of plumbers who might have been brothers if they had not been called Forbes and Newall, uncomplaining men without authority, to whom things simply happened: one had a crushed foot and walked with a crutch; the other had his hand bound up with shabby strips of tropical shirt. They
stood on the jetty with as natural a lack of interest as they would have stood at a Liverpool street corner waiting for the local to open. A stalwart grey-headed woman in mosquito boots followed them out of the canoe.

“Your name, madam?” Druce asked, consulting a list.

“Are you Mrs. Rolt?”

“I am not Mrs. Rolt. I am Miss Malcott.”

“Will you go up to the house? The doctor . . .”

“The doctor has far more serious cases than me to attend to.”

Mrs. Perrot said, “You’d like to lie down”

“It’s the last thing I want to do,” Miss Malcott said. “I am not in the least tired.” She shut her mouth between every sentence. “I am not hungry. I am not nervous. I want to get on.”

“Where to?”

“To Lagos. To the Educational Department.”

“I’m afraid there will be a good many delays.”

“I’ve been delayed two months. I can’t stand delay. Work won’t wait.” Suddenly she lifted her face towards the sky and howled like a dog.

The doctor took her gently by the arm and said, “Well do what we can to get you there right away. Come up to the house and do some telephoning.”

“Certainly” Miss Malcott said, “there’s nothing that can’t be straightened on a telephone.”

The doctor said to Scobie, “Send those other two chaps up after us. They are all right. If you want to do some questioning, question them.”

Druce said, “I’ll take them along. You stay here, Scobie, in case the launch arrives. French isn’t my language.”

Scobie sat down on the rail of the jetty and looked across the water. Now that the haze was lifting, the other bank came closer: he could make out now with the naked eye the details of the scene: the white warehouse, the mud huts, the brasswork of the launch glittering in the sun: he could see the red fezzes of the native troops. He thought: Just such a scene as this and I might have been waiting for Louise to appear on a stretcher or perhaps not waiting. Somebody settled himself on the rail beside him, but Scobie didn’t turn his head.

“A penny for your thoughts, sir.”

“I was just thinking that Louise is safe, Wilson.”

“I was thinking that too, sir”

“Why do you always call me sir, Wilson? You are not in the police force. It makes me feel very old,”

“I’m sorry, Major Scobie.”

“What did Louise call you?”

“Wilson. I don’t think she liked my Christian name.”

“I believe they’ve got that launch to start at last, Wilson. Be a good chap and warn the doctor.”

A French officer in a stained white uniform stood in the bow: a soldier flung a rope and Scobie caught and fixed it. “Bon jour” he said, and saluted.

The French officer returned his salute & drained-out figure with a twitch in the left eyelid. He said in English, “Good morning. I have seven stretcher cases for you here”

“My signal says nine.”

“One died on the way and one last night. One from blackwater and one from from, my English is bad, do you say fatigue?”

“Exhaustion.”

“That is it.”

“If you will let my labourers come on board they will get the stretchers off.” Scobie said to the carriers, “Very softly. Go very softly.” It was an unnecessary command: no white hospital attendants could lift and carry more gently. “Won’t you stretch your legs on shore?” Scobie asked, “or come up to the house and have some coffee?”

“No. No coffee, thank you. I will just see that all is right here.” He was courteous and unapproachable, but all the time his left eyelid flickered a message of doubt and distress.

“I have some English papers if you would like to see them.”

“No, no thank you. I read English with difficulty.”‘

“You speak it very well.”

“That is a different thing.”

“Have a cigarette?”

“Thank you, no. I do not like American tobacco.”

The first stretcher came on shore the sheets were drawn up to the man’s chin and it was impossible to tell from the stiff vacant face what his age might be. The doctor came down the hill to meet the stretcher and led the carriers away to the Government rest-house where the beds had been prepared.

“I used to come over to your side,” Scobie said, “to shoot with your police chief. A nice fellow called Durand a Norman.”

“He is not here any longer,” the officer said.

“Gone home?”

“He’s in prison at Dakar,” the French officer replied, standing like a figure-head in the bows, but the eye twitching and twitching. The stretchers slowly passed Scobie and turned up the hill: a boy who couldn’t have been more than ten, with a feverish face and a twiglike arm thrown out from his blanket: an old lady with grey hair falling every way who twisted and turned and whispered: a man with a bottle nose a nob of scarlet and blue on a yellow face. One by one they turned up the hill, the carriers’ feet moving with the certainty of mules. “And Pre Brule?” Scobie said. “He was a good man.”

“He died last year of blackwater.”

“He was out here twenty years without leave, wasn’t he? He’ll be hard to replace.”

“He has not been replaced,” the officer said. He turned and gave a short savage order to one of his men. Scobie looked at the next stretcher load and looked away again. A small girl she couldn’t have been more than six lay on it. She was deeply and unhealthily asleep; her fair hair was tangled and wet with sweat; her open mouth was dry and cracked, and she shuddered regularly and spasmodically. “It’s terrible,” Scobie said.

“What is terrible?”

“A child like that.”

“Yes. Both parents were lost. But it is all right. She will die.”

Scobie watched the bearers go slowly up the hill, their bare feet very gently flapping the ground. He thought: It would need all Father Brule’s ingenuity to explain that. Not that the child would die: that needed no explanation. Even the pagans realized that the love of God might mean an early death, though the reason they ascribed was different; but that the child should have been allowed to survive the forty days and nights in the open boat that was the mystery, to reconcile that with the love of God.

And yet he could believe in no God who was not human enough to love what he had created. “How on earth did she survive till now?” he wondered aloud.

The officer said gloomily, “Of course they looked after her on the boat’ They gave up their own share of the water often. It was foolish, of course, but one cannot always be logical. And it gave them something to think about.” It was like the hint of an explanation too faint to be grasped. He said, “Here is another who makes one angry.”

The face was ugly with exhaustion: the skin looked as though it were ?bout to crack over the cheekbones: only the absence of lines showed that it was a young face. The French officer said, “She was just married before she sailed. Her husband was lost. Her passport says she is nineteen. She may live. You see, she still has some strength.” Her arms as thin as a child’s lay outside the blanket, and her fingers clasped a book firmly. Scobie could see the wedding-ring loose on her dried-up finger.

“What is it?”

“Timbres,” the French officer said. He added bitterly, “When this damned war started, she must have been still at school.”

Scobie always remembered how she was carried into his life on a stretcher, grasping a stamp-album, with her eyes fast shut.

3
In the evening they gathered together again for drinks, but they were subdued; even Perrot was no longer trying to impress them. Druce said, “Well, tomorrow I’m off. You coming, Scobie?”

“I suppose so.”

Mrs. Perrot said, “You got all you wanted?”

“All I needed. That chief engineer was a good fellow. He had it ready in his head. I could hardly write fast enough. When he stopped he went flat out. That was what was keeping him together ‘ma responsibility.’ You know, they’d walked the ones that could walk five days to get here.”

Wilson said, “Were they sailing without an escort?”

“They started out in convoy, but they had some engine trouble and you know the rule of the road nowadays: no waiting for lame ducks. They were twelve hours behind the convoy and were trying to pick up, when they were sniped. The submarine commander surfaced and gave them direction. He said he would have given them a tow, but there was a naval patrol out looking for him. You see, you can really blame nobody for this sort of thing,” and this sort of thing came at once to Scobie’s mind’s eye the child with the open mouth, the thin hands holding the stamp-album. He said, “I suppose the doctor will look in when he gets a chance?”

He went restlessly out onto the verandah, closing the netted door carefully behind him, and a mosquito immediately droned towards his ear. The skirring went on all the time, but when they drove to the attack they had the deeper tone of dive-bombers. The lights were showing in the temporary hospital, and the weight of all that misery lay on his shoulders. It was as if he had shed one responsibility only to take on another. This was a responsibility he shared with all human beings, but there was no comfort in that, for it sometimes seemed to him that he was the only one who recognized it. In the Cities of the Plain a single soul might have changed the mind of God.

The doctor came up the steps onto the verandah. “Hallo, Scobie,” he said in a voice as bowed as his shoulders, “taking the night air? It’s not healthy in this place.”

“How are they?” Scobie asked.

“There’ll be only two more deaths, I think. Perhaps only one.”

“The child?”

“She’ll be dead by morning,” the doctor said abruptly.

“Is she conscious?”

“Never completely. She asks for her father sometimes: she probably thinks she’s in the boat still. They’d kept it from her there said her parents were in one of the other boats. But of course they’d signalled to check up.”

“Won’t she take you for her father?”

“No, she won’t accept the beard.”

Scobie said, ” How’s the schoolteacher?”

“Miss Malcott? She’ll be all right. I’ve given her enough bromide to put her out of action till morning. That’s all she needs and the sense of getting somewhere. You haven’t got room for her in your police van, have you? She’d be better out of here.”

“There’s only just room for Druce and me with our boys and kit. We’ll be sending proper transport as soon as we get back. The walking cases all right?”

“Yes, they’ll manage.”

“The boy and the old lady?”

“They’ll pull through.”

“Who is the boy?”

“He was at a prep school in England. His parents in South Africa thought he’d be safer there.”

Scobie said reluctantly, “That young woman with the stamp-album?” It was the stamp-album and not the face that haunted his memory, for no reason that he could understand, and the wedding-ring loose on the finger, as though a child had dressed up.

“I don’t know,” the doctor said. “If she gets through tonight . . . perhaps . . .”

“You’re dead tired, aren’t you? Go in and have a drink.”

“Yes. I don’t want to be eaten by mosquitoes.” The doctor opened the verandah door, and a mosquito struck at Scobie’s neck. He didn’t bother to guard himself. Slowly, hesitatingly, he retraced the route the doctor had taken, down the steps onto the tough rocky ground. The loose stones turned under his boots. He thought of Pemberton. What an absurd thing it was to expect happiness in a world so full of misery. He had cut down his own needs to a minimum, photographs were put away in drawers, the dead were put out of mind: a razor strop, a pair of rusty handcuffs for decoration: but one still has one’s eyes, he thought, one’s ears. Point me out the happy man and I will point you out either egotism, selfishness, evil or else an absolute ignorance.

Outside the rest-house he stopped again. The lights inside would have given an extraordinary impression of peace if one hadn’t known, just as the stars on this clear night gave also an impression of remoteness, security, freedom. If one knew, he wondered, the facts, would one have to feel pity even for the planets? if one reached what they called the heart of the matter?

“Well, Major Scobie?” It was the wife of the local missionary speaking to him. She was dressed in white like a nurse, and her flint-grey hair lay back from her forehead in ridges like wind erosion. “Have you come to look on?” she asked forbiddingly.

“Yes,” he said. He had no other idea of what to say: he couldn’t describe to Mrs. Bowles the restlessness, the haunting images, the terrible impotent feeling of responsibility and pity.

“Come inside” Mrs. Bowles said, and he followed her obediently like a boy. There were three rooms in the resthouse. In the first the walking cases had been put: heavily dosed, they slept peacefully, as though they had been taking healthy exercise. In the second room were the stretcher cases for whom there was reasonable hope: the third room was a small one and contained only two beds divided by a screen: the six-year-old girl with the dry mouth, the young woman lying unconscious on her back, still grasping the stamp-album. A night-light burned in a saucer and cast thin shadows between the beds. “If you want to be useful,” Mrs. Bowles said, “stay here a moment. I want to go to the dispensary”

“The dispensary?”

“The cook-house. One has to make the best of things.”

Scobie felt cold and strange. A shiver moved his shoulders. He said, “Can’t I go for you?”

Mrs. Bowles said, “Don’t be absurd. Are you qualified to dispense? I’ll only be away a few minutes. If the child shows signs of going, call me.” If she had given him time,
he would have thought of some excuse, but she was already out of the room and he sat heavily down in the only chair. When he looked at the child, he saw a white communion veil over her head: it was a trick of the light on the pillow and a trick of his own mind. He put his head in his hands and wouldn’t look. He had been in Africa when his own child died. He had always thanked God that he had missed
that. It seemed after all that one never really missed a thing. To be a human being one had to drink the cup. If one were lucky on one day, or cowardly on another, it was presented on a third occasion. He prayed silently into his hands, “O God, don’t let anything happen before Mrs. Bowles comes back.” He could hear the heavy uneven breathing of the child. It was as if she were carrying a weight with great effort up a long hill: it was an inhuman situation not to be able to carry it for her. He thought: This is what parents feel year in and year out, and I am shrinking from a few minutes of it. They see their children dying slowly every hour they live. He prayed again, “Father, look after her. Give her peace.” The breathing broke, choked, began again with terrible effort. Looking between his fingers he could see the six-year-old face convulsed like a navvy’s with labour. “Father,” he prayed, “give her peace. Take away my peace for ever, but give her peace.” The sweat broke out on his hands. “Father . . .” He heard a small scraping voice repeat, “Father,” and looking up he saw the blue and bloodshot eyes watching him. He thought with horror: this is what I thought I’d missed. He would have called Mrs. Bowles, only he hadn’t the voice to call with. He could see the breast of the child struggling for breath to repeat the heavy word; he came over to the bed and said, “Yes, dear. Don’t speak, I’m here.” The nightlight cast the shadow of his clenched fist on the sheet and it caught the child’s eye. An effort to laugh convulsed her, and he moved his hand away. “Sleep, dear,” he said, “you are sleepy. Sleep.” A memory that he had carefully buried returned, and taking out his handkerchief he made the shadow of a rabbit’s head fall on the pillow beside her. “There’s your rabbit,” he said, “to go to sleep with. It will stay until you sleep. Sleep.” The sweat poured down his face and tasted in his mouth as salt as tears. “Sleep.” He moved the rabbit’s ears up and down, up and down. Then he heard Mrs. Bowies’ voice, speaking low just behind him. “Stop that,” she said harshly, “the child’s dead.”

– The Heart of the Matter by Graham Greene

The Heart of the Matter
is available from Amazon.com